Diary Tok Kadi: Will You Ever Be Ready?

Organised by Muslim Youth Forum (MYF), Diary Tok Kadi Conference is a captivating look at marriage in the contemporary world. On 30th September 2017, MYF successfully organised the second instalment of this conference entitled Diary Tok Kadi: Will You Ever Be Ready? This second edition put marriage in perspective, provoking thoughts for married couples, newly weds, as well as grooms and brides to be. Practical advises were shared from speakers that made up of asatizah, a lawyer and our Madam President! It was a surprise indeed to have President Madam Halimah Yacob deliver the keynote speech.

Loads of takeaways indeed, but here are 3 key takeaways from us at MIRROR.

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1. Intention—Why am I getting married? What is the purpose of marriage?

We must always set our intention right from the get-go and understand why we are getting married. As said by Mdm President, “If you marry the person for the right reasons, then half the battle is won.”

Ustazah Shameem Sultanah quoted a verse from Surah Ar-Rum, verse 21, which means, “And of His signs is that He created for you from yourselves mates that you may find tranquillity in them; and He placed between you affection and mercy. Indeed in that are signs for a people who give thought.” Hence, one of the reasons of marriage is for us to find peace from each other. However, we could only attain peace if we ourselves are giving peace, which can only be achieved when we are peaceful within.


2. Preparation—Am I prepared (emotionally, financially, spiritually)?

Emotional
During Ustazah Nazeerah Shaik Alwie’s presentation, she mentioned on how we need to understand the roles of a husband and a wife before going into marriage. There must be mutual understanding and kindness when discussing on this matter.

As we then get into the married life, “…it’s important to talk to each other, having meaningful and effective conversations” and we need “to engage with each other on a daily basis”, said Mdm President. All of these are to ensure that couples understand one another and are able to settle any form of challenges peacefully. Be sensitive to your spouse’s feelings as “…relationship would be hard to sustain if you only care and love yourself…” Mdm President continued.

Financial
Have good financial sense before getting into marriage. It is not just about being the raja & permaisuri sehari, but more importantly what happens afterwards. Everything requires planning–it’s tough but it has to be done. There is a lifetime ahead to make and preserve memories so don’t spend excessively on the wedding day. Start marriage on a clean slate without debts to avoid any possible conflicts at the beginning of the marriage. Live your life then within your means. People’s expectations can be too high so you have to set your own expectations because you are living your life not them. Make sure you discuss and set proper expectations between each other, like for example whether or not both of you should work and how the household chores should be done. (paraphrased from Mdm President)

A good advise from Ustaz Tarmizi Wahid as well is that if we are not well-versed in financial management, then we should seek professional advise in order to save ourselves from troubles that may arise afterwards.

Spiritual
One should be spiritually grounded and prepared for marriage. One should understand the contract of marriage and the responsibilities that marriage entails.Ustaz Tarmizi shared a statistics showing that most people, only at the age of 25 and above, are matured spiritually. Spirituality is indeed important to sustain and strengthen marriage.

Above all, have trust in Allah. Remember, that your partner is chosen specifically for you. “Your spouse is the perfect partner for the imperfect you”–Ustazah Nazeerah


3. Communication—Understanding your spouse. Communicate effectively in all aspects of marriage.

Open conversations between husband and wife is key in a marriage. Communication allows for both parties to express themselves and also take the time to listen to their partner, creating a platform to understand each others’ feelings and frustrations. If couples were to give each other the silent treatment, the other party might just not understand what had actually gone wrong and things might get worse.

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So there you have it—three takeaways from DTK Conference. We would like to leave you with a beautiful quote from Ustaz Zahid Zain during his closing speech, “…return to Allah swt in all the decisions and plans that you have made.” So put your trust in Allah, for indeed, Allah is the best disposer of affairs.

 

Speak For Syria

A gush of cold air greeted me as I entered the dimly lit courtroom-turned-Black Box-theatre, with all 120 seats facing one another from all sides of the room, except the stage. In the middle, rows of seats were arranged neatly, facing directly to the stage. The stage was empty, except for a microphone and its stand, and the projector screen flashed the opening PowerPoint slides for Speak4Syria.

It was just after Maghrib, and people were still streaming in, filling up seats on either sides of the room. Before long, everyone was seated.

Speak4Syria is an entirely youth-led event, aimed to create and also increase awareness about the current situation about Syrian refugees. The event also aimed to raise funds for Badan Agama & Pelajaran Radin Mas (BAPA) Relief, a non-profit organisation that actively participates in humanitarian aid missions, obtaining recognition as an important humanitarian and developmental aid agency.

BAPA Relief provides aid in various ways, such as through education and basic necessities. They strictly ensure that all funds they receive would be translated into beneficial things that the refugees are in need of. BAPA Relief wants to represent hope in everything that they do, such that even their social media accounts do not contain bad photos of the dire situation in Syria. Instead, they try to portray the refugees in a different light – when they are laughing, smiling and being happy.

BAPA Relief has been working on Syria refugees since 2011. They made their very first trip to Kilis, Turkey, just at the border of Syria, in 2013, where refugees have fled to start rebuilding their lives. In 2014, BAPA Relief went to Idlib, a city in Syria south west of Aleppo, to provide aid to the Syrians.

Through the funds that they get, one of the ways BAPA Relief provide aid for the Syrians is through education, by building schools and paying the salary of the teachers. They work all year round for these refugees, and would always be the very first organisation to reach out to them in any kind of situation.  

Guest performers from various backgrounds supported Speak4Syria by doing spoken word poetry pieces that reached out to the hearts of the audience. The difference genres that were performed explored the dynamics of the dire situation in Syria, and there were plenty of instances where the performers questioned the state of humanity. Some poetry pieces were very personal, leaving the audience teary-eyed, while others made us think.

We are all the same – humans, with red blood, breathing in the same air on the same Earth. This is not just a battle for the Syrians, this is a fight we should all partake, for humanity’s sake.


“…But I am a citizen of Earth
The anxiety of the world is my responsibility
Isn’t that normal? To possess basic empathy?Or do we not bother anymore to stand in solidarity
And accept it all to be just part of destiny?”

– Yasmin Zaini


For more information on how you can contribute, visit www.bapa.org.sg.


words: Nur Khalisah (writer at MIRROR)
photos: Critical Xchange